This year has been one of real motivation. I actually take steps to move towards the desires for my life, albeit not what God may want... Nonetheless, I am proud of myself for taking actual action and slowly transmitting my mental desires into reality. I think my bestie would be proud of me too :) However, I know I would have had such courage without the commitment to walk with God.
It began with the preparations for the competition. We were to sing on our own; as the only person singing our own part and together with the rest who had their own parts to sing too. I was aware that I knew my music and that my voice is a gift from God but I started off timid. I managed to overcame my fears with courage from the Holy Spirit. He sent angels in the form of my fellow members to help and support me too. I could eventually sing out loud with more confidence and guts.
I applied for a freelance web content writer position, something else I have wanted to do since I was a child. Though I was shortlisted, they didn't get back to me when I asked them for their paying rate in response to their similar question. This was advice from a friend of mine who does freelance jobs. It was to prevent me from being taken advantage of should I have immediately given a rate. After all, the requirements are minimal but I am over-qualified in that sense. It is enough that I was shortlisted, whether real or not.
Then I actually joined 2 networks in conjunction with what I wanted in life. I first had an online chat to get to know the members before meeting some of them for a joint event. I did so with courage and openness. A few of them are now my FB friends :) I know I wouldn't have done so without God. I had the same qualities for the second network and have initiated contact with some members.
Another step I have taken pertaining to the above is to approach an organization in order to spend at least a day with the members. It is for the purpose of experienc- ing first-hand its community and routine, so that I can see if I can get used to it in the long-term. I am now waiting for it to contact me. My reason for finally initiating this is because I don't want to have any regrets in life. It may not be what I would do if I had a choice, but I don't want to know that I have pushed away this possible calling from God. I want to at least try it out. After all, I had tried out my lifelong dream of being a reporter before I knew that I couldn't handle it. :)
Whatever state I become, I know that God is Master of it. He controls the ongoings of all. I leave it to Him. Hence, I take whatever results that come in my stride and don't place too much expectation on them. If they are not what I hope for, I know that it is because His most ideal plan for me is still out there and not because I am a failure. :D
I am also resuming my dream of being a published poet in 5 years' time. I am slowly composing poems as a response to my inspirations of life. :) I also tried some traditional Christmas food which I usually don't eat, like stollen and pudding :)
It really is just taking the first step. Full satisfaction will come about as a result. Of course, the fears felt towards taking the first step are real but once they have been overcome, peace replaces them. Success or failure, unmet expectations pale in comparison to having made the attempt to pursue one's dreams, to answer God's possible calling. :DD
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