Pentecost

I received a wakeup call when I could not give an immediate answer as to what I wanted to pray to the Holy Spirit for. I guess it was the way the question was thrown so unexpectedly at me too. As I attempted to search for one in my mind, I realised that it was lacking. What I came up with was somewhat based on external input.

My being is definitely overshadowed by a secular event that is coming up, and which I am hosting. My only hope for adequate preparation for my silent retreat then is God Himself, but I have to desire Him of course. I need to increase this level of desire though!

The thing is, I was called to the retreat merely to "rest my heart" and spend time with Him. It sounds simple but I know that it is a profound experience too. How then could I have immediately linked this to the question that was posed?

A "chill" came within me when I realised there was a possibility of my serving God devoid of sincerity. I told myself that I must never reach that stage. A pastor told me that the Holy Spirit is strong in me and I don't wish to lose Him. It would be such a tragedy.

Then my conductor was choosing the person to read out the General Intercessions and he based it on who needed the Spirit. I knew I needed Him and I guess God prompted him to choose me, because He knew I wanted Him.

Then I asked Him to pray and sing in me before mass. I couldn't sing with my usual spirit before I received Him.

This is how I eventually received Him: I opened myself to Jesus' words in the Gospel "Receive the Holy Spirit". When it was time to read the intercessions, I felt a sense of peace and calmness that subdued the nervousness within me. I knew then that He had given me Himself. :D What I sang after that moment was definitely in my usual self :)

The Spirit stayed with me and I was aware of it. He prompted me to practise physical self-control and offer it up for the conversion of sinners. He also prompted me to offer up my pain for the same intention.

My conductor told us to ask the Holy Spirit to do things with us every day. I did so and it does make a difference. I need Him to teach me which tasks are more important to do than others, when I have so many to do.