A Christmas prayer

"The Christmas Prayer"
By Robert Louis Stevenson

Loving Father,
Help us remember the birth of Jesus,
that we may share in the song of the angels,
the gladness of the shepherds, and worship of the wise men.

Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.

May the Christmas morning make us happy to be Thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake. Amen.

(from beliefnet.com)

A new dimension to my prayer for work

I used to pray that I would be God's instrument to my students before I met them. Over time, I got lazy and did not pray this. However, since it was an extra prayer to my usual daily prayer time, things are not compromised even though I don't do this anymore.

I've realised that if I turn to God on a daily basis, He will use me as I go about the rest of the day. It comes from the establishment of my daily prayer routine. I do not need to say the extra prayer as I used to. He still grants me inspiration to go about my lessons, according to the different students I teach, and self-awareness when I am about to lose control of my temper, to calm down and retain the bringing of His patience and love to them.

I remember someone telling me that I do not need to go for Charismatic sessions on a weekly basis, as I used to. Once they have been established as a foundation, the graces will stay in me even if I go for them less often. I am living this out. I still listen to Hillsongs at home and whenever I do go for the sessions, I realise that I'm just returning home for nourishment before I set out again. I also remember someone else telling me that the Spirit communicates with me wherever I am. It is not restricted to a particular setting. The most powerful sign of this truth is when my mum's pastor friend told me that He is very strong in me. I am privileged.

Madonna's impending concert in Poland

She plans to hold it on August 15th, the Feast of Assumption and Armed Forces Day. This would cause many Catholic fans to go for it, instead of going for mass. Thus, I can understand why the Polish Catholics are incensed over this.

She may be a lapsed Catholic but being born in the faith means she is aware of this Feast. After all, she strayed from it only when she was an adult. This is showing utter disrespect to the religion she was brought up in. Her decision to convert should not be an act of "worldly evangelism" towards the Catholics as well.

They are praying for her concert to be thwarted. I prayed for this intention too. Indeed, she is a disgrace to our faith and has been blasphemous towards it. She once insulted the Pope at her concert. I hope that this prayer will be answered.

Gripes that lead to seclusion

So much has happened. Worldliness has definitely reared its ugly foot in a blatant manner, to create an imbalance against pure service. Calm peace was once again ostracized in the process. Hypocrisy was the sweeping label. Sincere relation was pushed out of the realm, what more empathy.

Tastes were below expectation, or is it that expectations were too idealistic? Initial regret over the lack of capture of the actual delivery was replaced by comforting unity in the deficiency. Masked mixing gladly gave way to natural bonds. Truly, time and familial genes are not potent. How can they be when knowledge and realization of different agendas were revealed?

Worldliness again took a strong precedence in the desire for physical drifting. An accumulation of fear effected itself, probably due to dormant fatigue too. The future seems dark and unfathomable, but it is possibly due to a deficient lifting up. Gratitude is intense in divine messages of reassurance, counselling gems of seniority, and especially safe warmth and caring genuinity.

More proof has shown itself in the inability to be a true educator. Self-need gets in the way of pure service which does not count the costs. Perhaps the deteriorated economy is the reason for it. Then again, it may be the adamant choice of physical and spiritual drift from prayer perfection in the faith. This does explain the deplorable deviation from musicality. With such drifting, how can there be a lack of guilt in testimony to the marvels of the Omnipotent? Of course, there is a sense of awareness that self-righteous judgement and condescension cannot rule.

Spams of opinions haven't ended with the gift of monetary input. Annoyance increases with the delusion that addiction is due to outward welfare. Never-ceasing misperception of thoughts and appalling linguistics contribute to the increased levels.

It is a tragedy to note that spiritual levels have deteriorated with the choice of rest. Does this realization and its cause exist though? With the bombardment of emotion, even the choice of expression has suffered, or is the choice due to the desire to gain attention and sympathy?

Obstinate choices to deviate from the materialization of prior knowledge have resulted in instability and unnecessary attacks of emotion. This incurs buried resentment and irritation, but I recall a wise saying of turning it into pity. This obstinacy also causes a lack of self-awareness, which should have been initially evident. I guess the awareness has now been obtained via a harsh and tedious journey.

There is an epiphanical realization that the phenomenon of physical driftness from prayer perfection is due to unworthiness and guilt over sin. Then a desire for humble acknowledgement of the truth and repentance must occur. Only then can life move forward and the return to home finally happen. The irony is that there is a verbalization of the expectation of prayer in that setting. Then again, God knows. I should not judge.

English translation of hebrew portion in When You Believe.

A-shi-ra la-do-nai ki ga-oh ga-ah
(I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously)
A-shi-ra la-do-nai ki ga-oh ga-ah
(I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously)
Mi-cha-mo-cha ba-elim adonai
(Who is like You, oh Lord, among the celestial)
Mi-ka-mo-cha ne-dar- ba-ko-desh
(Who is like You, majestic in holiness)
Na-chi-tah v'-chas-d'-cha am zu ga-al-ta
(In Your love, You lead the people You redeemed)
Na-chi-tah v'-chas-d'-cha am zu ga-al-ta
(In Your love, You lead the people You redeemed)
A-shi-ra, a-shi-ra, a-shi-ra...
(I will sing, I will sing, I will sing)

This portion has become more meaningful when I hear this song, and when I sing this portion, I will ensure that I sing it in a reverent manner, knowing that it is a praise to our God for what He has done for us.

Altar Servers' Awards 2009

When it was announced that Shawn Wong from my parish had won the top award, I was not really aware of the full meaning of it, till I read the article in the Catholic News. I am so proud of him and can testify that he goes to the adoration room very very often. 3 seminarians are from my parish and if he is the fourth, praise God!

At the same time, I was not surprised to note that he shared the award with an altar server from CTK. Having served there for 9 months, I noted that the altar servers are impeccable in their posture and attitude at mass. They are definitely tops in this ministry!

Charismatic was so powerfully personal.

As the intercessory session went on, I realised that the reason why I am slained in contrast to others is not because I have more faith, but because I need to rest in the Spirit, to have Him granting me graces of healing, peace and rest. This is a revelation that humbles me.

Then Cassandra was prompted by the Spirit to convey this message to me. I had been nursing guilt in me, though God and the person concerned have forgiven me. The message through Cassandra was about God's crucifixion cleansing me and making me righteous. I am righteous in the Lord and am free because of His loving sacrifice! It was such an awesome feeling. Tears flowed down my face. This is all that matters to me.

Then, the song: Be Magnified was sung. It was exactly what I had been seeing God as! I saw His mercy as too small and my sin as too big to be forgiven. How could I? Praise God, glory be to Him for what He has wrought in me!

As the closing song: Empower Me states, I am empowered! He saw into my soul, my need to be freed and made whole again. He did it with His love on the cross. Amen, alleluia! God is truly good, not just then, but all the time. :)

June retreat 2009 for choir

First session: what can I do to make you love me?
Mother Teresa: The personal love Jesus has for (me) is infinite. If (I) realise His personal love for (me), I will be able to face any failure and humiliation. He loves (me) even when (I) don't feel worthy. Turn to Him and allow (myself) to be loved by Him.
Manipulation to love is not true love.
Video: I Offer My Life
Symbolism: All the pain I went through at feeling like a failure, I offer to you Lord, as a pleasing sacrifice to be used for Your glory.
Video: There is None Like You
Symbolism: You are the only one who knows my deepest intentions, Lord. You are the only one who will never hurt me. You are the only one who truly loves me and never lets me down nor undermines me. Heal me with Your mercy and keep me safe in your arms, as I run to you and seek refuge in you.

My prayer: Lord, I did not realise enough how much you love me. You love me so much that you were willing to die for me. Hence I felt that I had failed. Forgive me. I was too quick to please people, with my own expectations. I forgot to let you be you in me. I allowed them to affect the ultimate conclusion of my performance. I forgot that I am called to be a different minister to them. I let my inferiority and low self-esteem rule. Holy Spirit, give me courage anew. I tried my best to direct the discussion, albeit the wrong one. O Lord, you knew my heart. There is nothing to be troubled about. Help me realise this. Amen.

Video: At the Cross.

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this

"Do not let your heart be troubled or afraid."

Video: I Will Run to You

Your hand, it comforts me

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand

My prayer: My Lord, I truly realise that I am chosen by you for your plans. All came to you, not by my mouth but by another's. It does not matter whose, Lord, for all glory goes back to you. I let my pride get to me. It wasn't inferiority but a wounded pride. It was jealousy, really. Thank you Lord, for granting me this wisdom. Thank you.

Rainbow over my church on Ash Wednesday!

It was truly a miraculous marvel, since Singapore seldom has rainbows in the sky. It was all the more significant as it befitted the religious occasion. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent and the start of Catholics' preparation for the passion of Jesus. The rainbow, as a sign of hope and God's covenant with Man, made my preparation more balanced. Here are some photos of it from various angles.

Utter blasphemy!

A real estate agent has made a religious candle with the face of Obama on it. His face is superimposed on a saint's body, making him out to be a holy person. I think this is a hyperbole. The agent must be a devoted fan to have done this, but thank God it is sold only in novelty shops. The shop is also aptly named Just For Fun. If it were sold in churches and religious bookshops, I would flip!

Father Bosco's New Year's Day Mass homily and Christmas surprise

He referred to the prevalence of people making resolutions at this time of the year, and pointed out the distinction between a resolution and a wish:

A wish is when you want to achieve something but a resolution is when you take steps to achieve that particular thing. Eg. "I want to pass my examinations." is a wish whereas "I will spend an extra hour everyday on my studies." is a resolution.

His homilies are very down-to-earth and relate to daily life, so that the congregation can really understand them.

At Midnight Mass, he presented us with a gift, a precious one. He sang Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas for us. He is a priest and yet he shared his gift of song with us. That gesture touched my heart. I cannot explain why but it just strikes a chord within me. His voice was rather good too though he was modest about it. :) The other priest who sang to his congregation, of whom I was one of the members, is Father Stephen Yim who sang a song on Father's Day.

Healing Rallies

Bob Canton's rally at Risen Christ Parish: I saw the deaf hear and the lame walk. Tumours were shrunk. My hunger for the Spirit was filled. His power came over me to allow me to rest in Him. He allowed me an initial glimpse of His healing graces over my legs. He called me so incredibly to experience Him here.

Set Free rally at the above venue: The music was fantastic; my favourite songs such as Jesus We Enthrone You, Potter's Hand and Give Thanks were sung. Messages of assurance from the Spirit were given via promptings of the Word. Father Elias Vella's talk on the fears of the Devil was enlightening: humility, obedience, worship of God, unity and love. The Blessed Sacrament was brought around and I was touched tremendously by His true presence. I was made as His instrument to a sick lady too. Last but not least, He called me to be His messenger to a friend of mine, to be with her at the rally.

Insincere Catholics

Rushing through our responses to the priest and our praises to God, isn't the proper way of participating at Mass. It is irksome when the person is not just a mere congregational member. No matter how horrible or tired we may feel, God deserves our praise and focus at Mass.

Another thing that irritates me tremendously is when people do not realise the significance of having ashes put on the forehead. It is obvious that this person I noted sees no meaning in it because the person laughed while conversing with another person, after having received the ashes. This is taking into consideration the remark made of the wish for more masses. The cause is the deficient influences in religious education from young.

Enough said.

Father Bosco's Novena homily on 10/1/09

The Twelve Days of Christmas
(Legend holds that the beloved carol was actually a tool to help children learn Christian teachings. Here's what the gifts mean. When Oliver Cromwell came to power in England, Catholics were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Tradition holds that Catholic parents developed "The Twelve Days of Christmas" to teach children their beliefs.)

The partridge in a pear tree represents Jesus (the partridge will sacrifice its life to save its young).

Two turtle doves: The Old and New Testaments

Three French hens: Faith, hope, and charity, or the three gifts of the Wise Men

Four calling birds: The four Evangelists--Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John

Five golden rings: The first five books of the Old Testament

Six geese a-laying: The six days of creation described in Genesis

Seven swans a-swimming: The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit (wisdom, understanding, counsel, strength, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord)

Eight maids a-milking: The eight Beatitudes

Nine ladies dancing: The nine choirs of angels (Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominions, Virtues, Powers, Principalities, Archangels, and regular angels); or the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, patience, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control).

Ten lords a-leaping: The Ten Commandments

Eleven pipers piping: The eleven faithful Apostles

Twelve drummers drumming: The twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed

My quiet time's output

Life with me is not immunity from difficulties but peace in difficulties. My guidance is often by shut doors.
Joy is the result of faithful trusting acceptance of My will, when It seems not joyous.
Saint Paul, my servant, learnt this lesson when he said "our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." Expect rebuffs until this is learnt -- it is the only way.
Joy is the daughter of calm.
(taken from God Calling: January 8)

Psalm 147:13-14
'He strengthens the bars of your gates and blesses your people within you. He grants peace to your borders and satisfies you with the finest of wheat.'
My reflection: How lucky we in Singapore are! He has protected us from terrorism through our efficient law enforcers and government. Our last invasion was the Japanese Occupation in 1942 and we are provided for in terms of welfare through this recession. Any potential conflicts we had with other countries have not escalated to physical violence. Praise God!

Father Ambrose Vas's Midnight Mass and Epiphany homilies

A particular point about the first homily struck me and is very poignant, especially with my mum's demise. He said this with regard to the theme of Joy that my parish has adopted for Christmas 2008:

Joy is the presence of God amidst sorrow and pain. :)

The second one spoke about the three wise men who saw the star which led them to the King of all kings. He mentioned that the star disappeared for a while and only reappeared when they decided to acknowledge and follow it. They had to choose to persevere in their search before the star would reappear. It was waiting for them to take that step to continue despite its absence.

Denis followed up from Father's homily and shared that others chose to ignore the star but not the wise men. God chooses when to give us special revelations of His presence if He feels we need them, like the road to Emmaus where the disciples had lost all hope after His death. For we who live in this modern-day period, He sends us stars in the form of guides, through the people in our lives, according to Father too.

Denis also shared that we must connect back with God and that His language is silence. Perhaps that is why I don't feel as passionate for Charismatic as I did last year? Then again, the praise songs do express my thanks and gratitude to God for what He has given me. There are also worship songs which express the soul's deeper feelings and the intercessory prayer session which gives me God's strength and peace when I am resting in His spirit. I think it is an essential balance of both Pentecostal and Catholic for my faith journey, despite how others may feel about Charismatic sessions.