This year has been one of real motivation. I actually take steps to move towards the desires for my life, albeit not what God may want... Nonetheless, I am proud of myself for taking actual action and slowly transmitting my mental desires into reality. I think my bestie would be proud of me too :) However, I know I would have had such courage without the commitment to walk with God.
It began with the preparations for the competition. We were to sing on our own; as the only person singing our own part and together with the rest who had their own parts to sing too. I was aware that I knew my music and that my voice is a gift from God but I started off timid. I managed to overcame my fears with courage from the Holy Spirit. He sent angels in the form of my fellow members to help and support me too. I could eventually sing out loud with more confidence and guts.
I applied for a freelance web content writer position, something else I have wanted to do since I was a child. Though I was shortlisted, they didn't get back to me when I asked them for their paying rate in response to their similar question. This was advice from a friend of mine who does freelance jobs. It was to prevent me from being taken advantage of should I have immediately given a rate. After all, the requirements are minimal but I am over-qualified in that sense. It is enough that I was shortlisted, whether real or not.
Then I actually joined 2 networks in conjunction with what I wanted in life. I first had an online chat to get to know the members before meeting some of them for a joint event. I did so with courage and openness. A few of them are now my FB friends :) I know I wouldn't have done so without God. I had the same qualities for the second network and have initiated contact with some members.
Another step I have taken pertaining to the above is to approach an organization in order to spend at least a day with the members. It is for the purpose of experienc- ing first-hand its community and routine, so that I can see if I can get used to it in the long-term. I am now waiting for it to contact me. My reason for finally initiating this is because I don't want to have any regrets in life. It may not be what I would do if I had a choice, but I don't want to know that I have pushed away this possible calling from God. I want to at least try it out. After all, I had tried out my lifelong dream of being a reporter before I knew that I couldn't handle it. :)
Whatever state I become, I know that God is Master of it. He controls the ongoings of all. I leave it to Him. Hence, I take whatever results that come in my stride and don't place too much expectation on them. If they are not what I hope for, I know that it is because His most ideal plan for me is still out there and not because I am a failure. :D
I am also resuming my dream of being a published poet in 5 years' time. I am slowly composing poems as a response to my inspirations of life. :) I also tried some traditional Christmas food which I usually don't eat, like stollen and pudding :)
It really is just taking the first step. Full satisfaction will come about as a result. Of course, the fears felt towards taking the first step are real but once they have been overcome, peace replaces them. Success or failure, unmet expectations pale in comparison to having made the attempt to pursue one's dreams, to answer God's possible calling. :DD
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Miracles on me
My leg condition has become worse but God has never withdrawn His care from me. I wanted to walk from Centrepoint to Paragon but was afraid that the walk would be too exerting for my legs. Nonetheless, I felt that if I took it slowly, I would be able to do it.
I did it a step at a time and God made it possible. He even gave me the strength to walk around Metro and Marks and Spencer. I did all these without resting one bit. It was a spiritual lesson whereby I learned that taking one step at a time with God will ultimately lead me to my destination.
On the walk back, I made use of the much treasured benches along the pavement to rest my legs. It was a realistic decision rather than an urgent decision. I just took time out to relax and savour the biscuits I had bought. It was a little refreshment for me before I continued on my walk back. Upon reaching my destination, I thanked God for the miracle He had showered unto me - strength to walk the distance to and fro, and more.
I had to go for mass later in the evening. When I was asked the question of what Our Lady would see in my heart, I replied with three words: yearning, faith and hope. I desired God's healing on my legs and was sure that He would do so. This is another gift from God; that of faith.
The last miracle was when I went up the steps to the choir entrance without any strain. I was afraid I would feel pain while doing so, but lo and behold, God showed me otherwise. Praise Him! He further showed His love by giving me His anointing through the priest.
Anointing can give the person different things. For my case, it may seem to be physical healing. However, it was something I needed more. I received peace, reinforced faith and strength from the Spirit towards the perception of my condition. Somehow, the word "courage" seems to emerge though I have yet to feel its power :S
God further reaffirmed the faith He gave me. "Nothing is impossible with God," the angel Gabriel told Mary. That line struck me as it was read. I feel it was an answer from God to the fear of not being able to walk one day, which I had offered Him. :)
I am thankful to God too for blessing my legs with the ability to recover quickly from the pain and strain. Most importantly, He has provided for me, in the sense that one leg is always better than the other and can be used to support the weaker one :D It is as if my legs are taking turns to support each other :)
I did it a step at a time and God made it possible. He even gave me the strength to walk around Metro and Marks and Spencer. I did all these without resting one bit. It was a spiritual lesson whereby I learned that taking one step at a time with God will ultimately lead me to my destination.
On the walk back, I made use of the much treasured benches along the pavement to rest my legs. It was a realistic decision rather than an urgent decision. I just took time out to relax and savour the biscuits I had bought. It was a little refreshment for me before I continued on my walk back. Upon reaching my destination, I thanked God for the miracle He had showered unto me - strength to walk the distance to and fro, and more.
I had to go for mass later in the evening. When I was asked the question of what Our Lady would see in my heart, I replied with three words: yearning, faith and hope. I desired God's healing on my legs and was sure that He would do so. This is another gift from God; that of faith.
The last miracle was when I went up the steps to the choir entrance without any strain. I was afraid I would feel pain while doing so, but lo and behold, God showed me otherwise. Praise Him! He further showed His love by giving me His anointing through the priest.
Anointing can give the person different things. For my case, it may seem to be physical healing. However, it was something I needed more. I received peace, reinforced faith and strength from the Spirit towards the perception of my condition. Somehow, the word "courage" seems to emerge though I have yet to feel its power :S
God further reaffirmed the faith He gave me. "Nothing is impossible with God," the angel Gabriel told Mary. That line struck me as it was read. I feel it was an answer from God to the fear of not being able to walk one day, which I had offered Him. :)
I am thankful to God too for blessing my legs with the ability to recover quickly from the pain and strain. Most importantly, He has provided for me, in the sense that one leg is always better than the other and can be used to support the weaker one :D It is as if my legs are taking turns to support each other :)
Friday, November 26, 2010
Excerpts from famous Catholic people
These are some beautiful excerpts from St Pio and Fulton Sheen:
St Pio
There are such sublime joys and such deep sufferings that words cannot express them. Silence is the last resort of the soul in ineffable joy as in extreme oppression.
(I have yet to blog about our trip and my silent retreat, much less to reply to an email on how they went. This excerpt explains why, I guess. Everything is stored in my heart, from the proceedings to the musings. On the other hand, I am now not so regular at updating my own personal journal. Sometimes, the sadness is so extreme that I can't bring myself to write about it. It gets too painful halfway through writing.)
Fulton Sheen
Silence is not dependent upon a place but upon a state of mind. It is not based on where we are but what we are thinking about. It is being alone as far as the world is concerned, even though one is in the very midst of it - an activity by which every faculty of the heart and mind and soul is bent inward, awaiting the voice of God.
(I can't possibly go for a silent retreat everyday or extend the duration of the one I went to, but the seeds of the one I attended had been sown within me. I realised that the silence allowed me to hear God and appreciate His gift of nature to us. His words just flowed into my mind. Thus, I bring that experience with me. I am blessed with the communicative experience between God and me even when I am in a secular setting. Being alone does not mean being lonely because God is in me. This is the difference in perception between we Catholics and others.)
Satan on the mount of temptation tried to induce Our Lord to a short cut of saving men, and not by the Cross of Redemption. Patience is not absence of action. It waits for the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way. It is a result of thought.
(Knowing the potential consequences of Jesus's other option is chilling. If he had not chosen the Cross, we wouldn't have known such unconditional love and great salvation. Patience is then not passivity or mere thoughts, but awaiting the promptings of the Holy Spirit to act. Perhaps this can explain my journey towards discerning my vocation....)
St Pio
There are such sublime joys and such deep sufferings that words cannot express them. Silence is the last resort of the soul in ineffable joy as in extreme oppression.
(I have yet to blog about our trip and my silent retreat, much less to reply to an email on how they went. This excerpt explains why, I guess. Everything is stored in my heart, from the proceedings to the musings. On the other hand, I am now not so regular at updating my own personal journal. Sometimes, the sadness is so extreme that I can't bring myself to write about it. It gets too painful halfway through writing.)
Fulton Sheen
Silence is not dependent upon a place but upon a state of mind. It is not based on where we are but what we are thinking about. It is being alone as far as the world is concerned, even though one is in the very midst of it - an activity by which every faculty of the heart and mind and soul is bent inward, awaiting the voice of God.
(I can't possibly go for a silent retreat everyday or extend the duration of the one I went to, but the seeds of the one I attended had been sown within me. I realised that the silence allowed me to hear God and appreciate His gift of nature to us. His words just flowed into my mind. Thus, I bring that experience with me. I am blessed with the communicative experience between God and me even when I am in a secular setting. Being alone does not mean being lonely because God is in me. This is the difference in perception between we Catholics and others.)
Satan on the mount of temptation tried to induce Our Lord to a short cut of saving men, and not by the Cross of Redemption. Patience is not absence of action. It waits for the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way. It is a result of thought.
(Knowing the potential consequences of Jesus's other option is chilling. If he had not chosen the Cross, we wouldn't have known such unconditional love and great salvation. Patience is then not passivity or mere thoughts, but awaiting the promptings of the Holy Spirit to act. Perhaps this can explain my journey towards discerning my vocation....)
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