I thank God for turning a bad thing into good. I sustained throat pain while singing for mass. However, I knew that I could not compromise on my singing despite that fact. I know He has given me my voice. God refined my desire, from self-pride to glorification of Him.
At that moment, I wanted to sing more than my best for love of Him, to make up for my throat problem. I guess it coincided with the hymn we were singing: Love Is His Word. I thank Him for deeming fit to reward my desire with the smooth ability to reach the high note and the courage to want to sing it for Him despite the note not being in my vocal range.
I also give Him praise for giving me the faith to believe that His Body would heal my throat pain. He indeed reinforced it by doing it. My throat was 99% back to normal immediately after receiving Communion. Now it is fully restored. Praise the Lord in thanks for His undeserving mercy towards me. I take my voice for granted but He never fails to love me by granting me the vocal ability to glorify Him. Lord, help me to fully treasure this voice you have given me.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
That secret place
I had a dilemma between going for a talk and staying home to be with myself. The talk promised blessings, miracles, wonders from the Lord and an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. However, I felt rather that my soul yearned for silence, quiet refreshment and comfort from the Lord. With that, I thought of a precious CD I had bought. It is called Hillsong Instrumental Series, the secret place.
I played it and though I love singing to the Lord, somehow I wanted to listen to the tracks. Perhaps this is what is meant by your heart singing. I don't mean the happiness that comes with hearing a piece of good news but a silent tongue that belies a soul 'singing' with the music to the Maker. I am listening to it as I type this entry. It is as if the instruments are 'singing' for me as they play the tunes.
The music led me into a state of silence and prayer, where I just wanted to be with the Lord of silence. I have mentioned the word "silence" in its different forms thrice. I guess my mum was perceptive in noting that I am sensitive to silence. I can 'hear' the silence present in a church, not the silence that comes from absence of noise, but the silence that is a result of the presence of the Lord.
It led me to reflect on my discernment of the Lord's calling for me. It is not His will for me to be a religious, a state which I once associated with silence and refuge; a sanctuary from the negative forces of the world. However, a realization from the Lord came. I am then to find silences, to create silences in the world He has called me to remain in. For now, I have finally experienced my first time of finding His silence; that secret place in which the Father is as mentioned in Matthew 6:6. I hope to find more of these secret places of silence in this world.
I have had the privilege of already being privy to these places, through my last silent retreat where I was surrounded by nature. Nature is God's gift to me, an environment which renders His voice more perceptible and louder to me. I feel just like William Wordsworth who expounded his revelry of nature in his poems. Another special place is being with my bestie, conversing together about life's lessons and praying together to our Lord. Each time I have with him is rarity itself though.
Now I feel my soul is at rest; at peace, as I beheld the Lord in that secret place through His music of gentle quietness. Meeting with Him for even one moment like that heals and refreshes my soul. I have experienced that sanctuary; refuge from the negative forces of the world through the music. Praise Him for revealing His gentle wash of love to me in the world I am and for showing me how He transcends my limited perceptions of Him.
I played it and though I love singing to the Lord, somehow I wanted to listen to the tracks. Perhaps this is what is meant by your heart singing. I don't mean the happiness that comes with hearing a piece of good news but a silent tongue that belies a soul 'singing' with the music to the Maker. I am listening to it as I type this entry. It is as if the instruments are 'singing' for me as they play the tunes.
The music led me into a state of silence and prayer, where I just wanted to be with the Lord of silence. I have mentioned the word "silence" in its different forms thrice. I guess my mum was perceptive in noting that I am sensitive to silence. I can 'hear' the silence present in a church, not the silence that comes from absence of noise, but the silence that is a result of the presence of the Lord.
It led me to reflect on my discernment of the Lord's calling for me. It is not His will for me to be a religious, a state which I once associated with silence and refuge; a sanctuary from the negative forces of the world. However, a realization from the Lord came. I am then to find silences, to create silences in the world He has called me to remain in. For now, I have finally experienced my first time of finding His silence; that secret place in which the Father is as mentioned in Matthew 6:6. I hope to find more of these secret places of silence in this world.
I have had the privilege of already being privy to these places, through my last silent retreat where I was surrounded by nature. Nature is God's gift to me, an environment which renders His voice more perceptible and louder to me. I feel just like William Wordsworth who expounded his revelry of nature in his poems. Another special place is being with my bestie, conversing together about life's lessons and praying together to our Lord. Each time I have with him is rarity itself though.
Now I feel my soul is at rest; at peace, as I beheld the Lord in that secret place through His music of gentle quietness. Meeting with Him for even one moment like that heals and refreshes my soul. I have experienced that sanctuary; refuge from the negative forces of the world through the music. Praise Him for revealing His gentle wash of love to me in the world I am and for showing me how He transcends my limited perceptions of Him.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Osama's demise
His death has not caused gratitude as expected, but cynicism. I reckon it is because of a previous rumour which proved untrue. It struck me that God must be sad at our reaction towards His gift. This is a precious gift indeed.
It somehow leads me to think that the evil we are surrounded by has entered our souls such that we are unable to take His gift at face value. The evil I refer to is an insidious one where we insert complications into what we face, through our doubting perspectives. Doubt hinders our souls from the freedom to recognise God's hand in the events around us. Our faith has taken a setback as a result.
I acknowledge the possibility of more terrorism fears surfacing as a reaction to this piece of news. The only way for me to deal with them is to turn to God's Divine Mercy to protect the world from terrorists.
It somehow leads me to think that the evil we are surrounded by has entered our souls such that we are unable to take His gift at face value. The evil I refer to is an insidious one where we insert complications into what we face, through our doubting perspectives. Doubt hinders our souls from the freedom to recognise God's hand in the events around us. Our faith has taken a setback as a result.
I acknowledge the possibility of more terrorism fears surfacing as a reaction to this piece of news. The only way for me to deal with them is to turn to God's Divine Mercy to protect the world from terrorists.
My Easter Triduum 2011
This year's was a markedly different one. I was excited for a non-Catholic friend who had wanted to see what Maundy Thursday mass is like. Though I had to inform her of certain rules pertaining to my Church, she took all of it in stride. Bless her! We had our usual choir reflection and the theme was on Temptations. I learnt some new perspectives on this topic and added my two cents' worth as well. I went on to spend some time with our Lord in His agony. The garden evoked certain poignant thoughts within me as I beheld its dissimilar portrayal. A huge ciborium was used to house our Lord and somehow that made Him seem in repose. I was not just brought back to the historical setting of Gethsamane but to the subsequent events too. It was as if Good Friday came early for me. I had a question for Him: What can I do to alleviate your agony? I felt so helpless at that moment. Then I sang to Him a song we sing at the Christmas pageant to Him: What can I give you, poor as I am?/If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb/If I were a wise man, I would do my part/But what can I give you?/I will give my heart/I will give my heart.
On Good Friday, the service was strenuous for my legs but I gladly did it for our Lord. How much more did He suffer for me! We had to kneel and stand for the General Intercessions but of course, I sat and stood. To others who may not fully understand my condition, it may seem easier for me. However, it was harder for me, not just due to my condition but also to the action of interchanging both gestures which was a strain on my joints. We sang God So Loved The World by Bob Chilcott and this time, I sang it with a small smile on my face, which symbolised my gratitude for His love. We sang for the outdoor Stations of the Cross too. The passion of our Lord was reenacted by the youths and Father Bosco himself. It was made more real for me as a result. Though I knew that it was merely acting, I was undeniably affected by it. As we sang God So Loved The World again, my eyes were understandably teary. Seeing it right before my eyes made a vast difference for me. As we followed the procession amidst the Stations reflection, my legs were again being strained but I did so for my Lord. My Altos were sweet enough to think of my welfare and I treasure those loving thoughts. However, at that point, I felt that my Lord was the focus and I was insignificant. Despite the subsequent instability of my leg condition, I feel the sufferings were worth it. After all, it was for the One who loves us more than any human can.
Holy Saturday had a thrill of anticipation for me as I awaited His Resurrection. With it came freedom and celebration of the joy brought forth. When it was the start of the Easter Vigil, Easter had come for me :) There was no more want, thirst and deprivation, but fulfillment, satiation and indulgence.
On Good Friday, the service was strenuous for my legs but I gladly did it for our Lord. How much more did He suffer for me! We had to kneel and stand for the General Intercessions but of course, I sat and stood. To others who may not fully understand my condition, it may seem easier for me. However, it was harder for me, not just due to my condition but also to the action of interchanging both gestures which was a strain on my joints. We sang God So Loved The World by Bob Chilcott and this time, I sang it with a small smile on my face, which symbolised my gratitude for His love. We sang for the outdoor Stations of the Cross too. The passion of our Lord was reenacted by the youths and Father Bosco himself. It was made more real for me as a result. Though I knew that it was merely acting, I was undeniably affected by it. As we sang God So Loved The World again, my eyes were understandably teary. Seeing it right before my eyes made a vast difference for me. As we followed the procession amidst the Stations reflection, my legs were again being strained but I did so for my Lord. My Altos were sweet enough to think of my welfare and I treasure those loving thoughts. However, at that point, I felt that my Lord was the focus and I was insignificant. Despite the subsequent instability of my leg condition, I feel the sufferings were worth it. After all, it was for the One who loves us more than any human can.
Holy Saturday had a thrill of anticipation for me as I awaited His Resurrection. With it came freedom and celebration of the joy brought forth. When it was the start of the Easter Vigil, Easter had come for me :) There was no more want, thirst and deprivation, but fulfillment, satiation and indulgence.
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