There is so much to learn each time I fall back into my greatest sin: how cunning the devil can be in trapping me in the sin, how stronger I am with God's mercy, what triggers cause me to go past the boundaries and how God turns this failure into a more motivated desire to come back to Him. 'Where I am at my weakest His power is at His strongest.'
This latest fall showed me how the evil one uses my liking for celebrities to open the door to my sin and how He tries to go further in causing me to doubt the power of God Himself. Unfortunately, that moment of doubt was but a flash. I still believe in the power of the Eucharist. Woops, too bad! Haha! At the same time, I had an inner strength after having committed the sin, a strength that came with acceptance of the truth of my weakness, which can only be from the Holy Spirit. I accept that this sin will be a struggle in my life, but I promise God that I will climb back up each time I fall. The devil may try to deviate me from staying on the path to God, but these deviations will be temporary. He cannot permanently cause me to leave the path to my true home, for I will forever be a child of God Yahweh, Daddy-o. I want to go to Heaven to be with Him, my Creator, my Source of being.
There were warning signs as I became more trapped in my sin, but my Father loves me so much that He allowed me to make my own choice. His soft promptings were not imposing and autocratic on my decision-making. The doubt put in me by the devil and the titles I came across were the signs. Not only did I allow myself to badly undermine the special dignity of my own gender and the holiness of the image of God(whether I want to admit it or not), but I also allowed myself to be distorted in my understanding of the traditional interaction between societal roles we humans are called to.
Now that I have accepted my struggle and developed inner strength to keep conquering it, my next step is to be humble and courageous enough to confess it. Holy Spirit, please help me.
Actually, in the course of my reflection and repentance, I wondered if there was something wrong with me that caused me to keep falling back into this sin. At the same time, I explored the possibility of being spiritually attacked by the devil. I had been doing God's work before my fall, and it is not the first time this realization has occurred to me. I have been answering my friend's questions on the Eucharist, sharing the St Michael's prayer with my friends, and posting articles on the dangers of pornography and LGBT. I had a thought of going into consecrated life as a result of the ongoing LGBT issue too. This possibility was affirmed by my spiritual mentor too.
I do feel honoured frankly, that the devil feels threatened by me as God's instrument to keep tempting me into this sin. I will then 'not be moved, as He is my stronghold and my Saviour.' I know that I 'shall not drown if I pass through raging waters in the sea, and God is with me through it all if I stand before the power of hell and death is at my side.' I may have 'raging' passions but I know they will be calmed and tempered, for the pleasure of this sin cannot fully satiate my soul, which is made for my true Love and will return to this true Love. I am aware that the devil will try to lure me into eternal self-condemnation and despair when he confronts me with this sin at the end of my life, but I know that God will be by my side and I will confront him with the good I have done for my God. This will shut Him up. I don't want to be like Judas.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Monday, June 29, 2015
Rainbows are now metaphorically abused
Rainbows are really God's covenant with us, His promise to us. Instead, they are now taken on by promoters of an immoral lifestyle as their symbol. How God must feel!
Deviation = going astray and potentially, betrayal
Seeing happiness in the midst of living out wrong choices and the conscience being ignored against wrongdoing, makes me really sad. I find it difficult to rejoice for the person. I know we are to love the person and not the mistake, but how do I do so when the person knows that the membership joined is not a true one, and yet remains within it?
God is not all blessings and prosperity and a smooth life, which the group seems to have been advocating for donkey years. God is also suffering for love, obedience to His mother, protection through His angels and all things not recognized by the former (group).
How does an empty cross remind us of God's present love and of the power of suffering? A crucifix never brings this reminder far from us, of how God's death is the greatest form of love for us and how we crucify Him with our sins(Lord, help me!), of how we can unite our own sufferings with His for redemptive purposes. How then can we praise and worship Him with just an empty cross and without His actual presence within us?
Believing in the representation of God when beholding a communion wafer is really watering down the actual theology of Holy Communion as a sacrament. Receiving Communion is actually receiving our Lord. How blest and privileged we are to have Him enter us every week, instead of just something that symbolises Him, and only at times too! How inspired and grateful we must feel to know the humble love of God for us through this! Obviously, with the total omission of Maundy Thursday, the communion wafer is seen per se. How sad.
How then can we praise and worship Him with just an empty cross and without His actual presence within us? Doesn't this ever strike the soul?!
What is adored then? Benediction and silent adoration is sorely missing. Good Friday, with its weaker emphasis, will make Easter Sunday less appreciated, since suffering will make the resurrection more poignant.
Mother Mary never ever fails to intercede for us, even if we neglect her(yours truly is guilty of this). Disregarding her love and her Son's command before His death is indeed a grave omission. How about the angels and saints under her charge? These friends of ours are ever ready to help us, to pray for us. We are surrounded by so many Heavenly friends! Sadly, they are now deliberately pushed aside.
Chastity is therefore seen as less important with this membership. After all, the shepherds are allowed to have their own families too. Our Lord was singularly focused on one vocation. To juggle two at the same time would compromise on either one, unfair to the recipients involved. At death's hour, a prayer is not as strong as an anointing with holy oil. Self-explanatory to me.
Feeling "high" and "good" and "radiant" won't last. It is the music during the praise sessions that make you so. Services are made up of these, besides preaching and Bible reading. Where is the depth and richness?
There is flexibility in attending these services. Doesn't it mean our own desires are met rather than our Lord's? We go when we can or when we want. Where is the sacrifice then? The love is not so deep then.
I don't know if the new member actually bothers to reflect on the losses associated with this change made, or perhaps they have never been treasured in the first place. Hence, there is no emptiness within and the ease of shrugging it off, if any, is strong. Truth be told, a lot is being lost. A lot. To think that the original group is one with strong religious emphases and this member chose to leave the true flock, as a whole. Sad.
God is not all blessings and prosperity and a smooth life, which the group seems to have been advocating for donkey years. God is also suffering for love, obedience to His mother, protection through His angels and all things not recognized by the former (group).
How does an empty cross remind us of God's present love and of the power of suffering? A crucifix never brings this reminder far from us, of how God's death is the greatest form of love for us and how we crucify Him with our sins(Lord, help me!), of how we can unite our own sufferings with His for redemptive purposes. How then can we praise and worship Him with just an empty cross and without His actual presence within us?
Believing in the representation of God when beholding a communion wafer is really watering down the actual theology of Holy Communion as a sacrament. Receiving Communion is actually receiving our Lord. How blest and privileged we are to have Him enter us every week, instead of just something that symbolises Him, and only at times too! How inspired and grateful we must feel to know the humble love of God for us through this! Obviously, with the total omission of Maundy Thursday, the communion wafer is seen per se. How sad.
How then can we praise and worship Him with just an empty cross and without His actual presence within us? Doesn't this ever strike the soul?!
What is adored then? Benediction and silent adoration is sorely missing. Good Friday, with its weaker emphasis, will make Easter Sunday less appreciated, since suffering will make the resurrection more poignant.
Mother Mary never ever fails to intercede for us, even if we neglect her(yours truly is guilty of this). Disregarding her love and her Son's command before His death is indeed a grave omission. How about the angels and saints under her charge? These friends of ours are ever ready to help us, to pray for us. We are surrounded by so many Heavenly friends! Sadly, they are now deliberately pushed aside.
Chastity is therefore seen as less important with this membership. After all, the shepherds are allowed to have their own families too. Our Lord was singularly focused on one vocation. To juggle two at the same time would compromise on either one, unfair to the recipients involved. At death's hour, a prayer is not as strong as an anointing with holy oil. Self-explanatory to me.
Feeling "high" and "good" and "radiant" won't last. It is the music during the praise sessions that make you so. Services are made up of these, besides preaching and Bible reading. Where is the depth and richness?
There is flexibility in attending these services. Doesn't it mean our own desires are met rather than our Lord's? We go when we can or when we want. Where is the sacrifice then? The love is not so deep then.
I don't know if the new member actually bothers to reflect on the losses associated with this change made, or perhaps they have never been treasured in the first place. Hence, there is no emptiness within and the ease of shrugging it off, if any, is strong. Truth be told, a lot is being lost. A lot. To think that the original group is one with strong religious emphases and this member chose to leave the true flock, as a whole. Sad.
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