I've not been going for charismatic for 3 months due to my arthritis and though it is not completely fine yet, I decided to go in order to spiritually prepare myself for my upcoming concert and pray for my choir as well. While in the adoration room, I felt a sense of excitement towards the session. :)
I received a very loving welcome from Aunty Anna who held my hand and walked with me all the way to my seat, asking after me all the while. I was not made to feel forgotten or irritating with her assurance that I was kept in prayer. Then In Christ Alone was practiced and I was struck by the fact that there was a message within for me. Still was played in the background instead of At The Cross. It was a surprising change but I felt good listening to it. "Be still and know that I am God" was the message that came to me then.
Sharon came and it was good that she did. She was thinking of me too. :) We exchanged phone numbers. Then we started the session. I felt I was naturally where I was. I didn't feel out of place even though I had been absent for 3 months, unlike when I felt it in choir after having left for a while.
You Are My Love and My Light was a song that spoke out what I had been experiencing through this period of time. "You are my hope in the night." I felt that we were one in spirit and I was bonded with all of the people there, as we worshipped our one true God and Master. It made up for another area in my life in which disunity is dominant. During the sign of peace, Jerry still remembered me in his greeting. :) The Word was spoken and two messages came forth. I thought the first one was for me. "Love one another as I have loved you." However, I now know that it was truly the second one, which I will write on later.
During worship, Spirit Song just broke me. I started thinking of the pain of my loved ones, especially of that accumulated over time and just cried. God knew I had come to pray for their healing and was doing so through me. "Oh let Him have the things that hold you...will descend upon your life and make you whole....Give Him all your years of pain and you'll enter into life in Jesus's name."
My Greatest Love Is You is one of my favourites. "Wash over me, cleansing me through." I desired to be thoroughly cleansed by God. It was a worship filled with freedom. I just let myself go and even swayed to the music. I just let the presence of God envelop me. I had nothing else on my mind. It has been a very long time since I felt that. I would have danced if not for my leg, so my heart danced. The leader mentioned that it is a grace to be able to pray and I had an epiphany then. So I prayed for the grace upon my loved one. I also offered up negative thoughts to be replaced with positive ones.
The talk was on meeting Jesus face to face. Songs were mentioned as a way and I know they are extremely powerful for me. They can reduce me to tears. Revelations 3 was quoted and I thought of my loved one. "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
We went into deeper worship and I know God knew what my heart's desires were. I Offer My Life spoke them out. "Things in the past, things yet unseen. Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true...all of my plans...Everything I've been through, use it for your glory."
I was preparing myself to go up for praying over and I felt the natural feeling of being there made me take the praying over session for granted. I then had a strange feeling which I've never had before every praying over session. I actually told God,"I yearn for you, I want to rest in you." Usually I will go up with intentions to be prayed for. This time, it was just to rest, not out of tiredness but out of just being with him, as Melvin spoke about. God had made the talk come alive for me. My heart did not even beat fast as it usually does beforehand. It was just a yearning for Him.
When I went up, Uncle Bonnie asked how my leg was. I felt loved at his concern. I was asked on what intentions I had and when I said I had numerous, was asked to surrender to the Lord. I was also asked to make Him no. 1 in my life and the ruler of my life. I think I know what he was referring to. That is difficult though...
I know God's power was upon me. Just a light push from him cannot have made me fall so quickly and strongly. Uncle is anointed too and God was using him to minister to me. I felt the swift movement and the audible 'thud' as I was slain. I was wondering as I lay on the ground, if it was really God's power but I knew that was a doubt. I decided to just enjoy the rest with God and knew He'd wake me at the appropriate time.
In Christ Alone was being sung and I know I've to trust God in everything and give Him credit for everything. Then we sang my ultimate favourite Worthy Is The Lamb. I just really felt exalted within to praise Him, to shout and proclaim His goodness. I lifted my hands higher than I ever have. This song broke me too. I just let all my emotions out.
During testimony, Lincoln said a statement that exactly described my feeling. "I'm home." We ended off with God Is Here. It meant differently to me this time as compared to the beginning of the whole session. I had truly experienced God in His power, rest and healing during the whole session and God was there, yes.
As I went home, something struck me. The second message during the proclamation of the Word was more precisely for me than the first one. "Come unto me all who weary and are overburdened, and I will give you rest." I was overburdened with all the things that had happened leading up to my concert and wanted to pray about them. Then God wanted me to rest in Him. :)
I hope I won't take Him for granted and not resume my weekly sessions, as my intention this time was to spiritually prepare for the concert.
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