Facing my fears

God has been amazingly enabling me to do exactly that.

I've gone back to singing for wedding masses and I try to accept whatever offers are given to me, in order to face my phobia of singing solo. I continue singing out after making a mistake at mass, instead of holding back out of fear. I don't stop singing when I'm the only one doing so at mass.

I've a difficult student and I go for the lesson with courage and God's assurance of His guidance, instead of giving in to the temptation to postpone the lesson so that I've more time to mentally prepare myself. I also gather courage to lecture my students if I really have to.

The most notable thing is that I went for a Charismatic session alone and after 2 years. I plucked up the courage to answer God's call to go for that particular week. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

The people were really warm and we remembered each other. I made a new friend who used to be from my parish. I tried not to be so conscious throughout the session. After all, everyone was really dwelling on God and not on others. However, I'll need to work harder on this when the "special occasion" comes.

I tried to disregard the rapid beats of my heart which always come before I go up for praying over. I know and believe that when I'm praying with the intercessors, it's the Holy Spirit present and He 'slains' me with his power. I'm not being pushed down by the intercessors, as what people think. I am aware of the difference. I know that what I experience at each praying over is real.

I also joined the prayer warrior team where the members receive smses of prayer requests.

I will try to resume going for the weekly sessions. I also hope to gather the courage to resume singing psalms for Saturday mass. As he told another psalmist, "The people out there will criticise your imperfect singing instead of understanding that it was your first attempt. That's life." How true. I will need to cultivate the humility to accept such criticism.

This paraphrased quote sums up this entry. " Fear is always present but courage is going on regardless of it."