This session was indeed deep and intense in worship, as I had hoped. I think praying in the adoration room beforehand makes a difference to my preparations for the session. It gives me a sense of calmness and peace. This was made evident when I entered the chapel and saw it filled with only patches of people.
I have this continual fear that only a few people will ultimately attend the session and this makes me feel extremely vulnerable. I seem to be in awe of the leaders to the extent of feeling fear towards them. I can't pinpoint a reason. I must tell myself that they are just like I am, in need of our God. I need to apply this to that "special occasion" too.
Anyway, the sense of peace pervaded my being even though there initially were a few people. True enough, more and more people streamed in and soon, I was 'covered'. My 2 'angels' came as well and the husband of one of the 'angels' asked for my name. I think he has been noticing my presence.
We started off with a praise medley and I just found myself clapping along so naturally. It's really God's grace that enables me to do so. The mood was infectious. A girl in a wheelchair was smiling compared to the previous session which saw her sullen. This family of four had the boy clapping along as compared to the previous session which saw him not doing anything. God was showering His power on us.
Worship was next and this is my favourite part, because music has a "special place in my heart". As I sang along, I realised that God always blesses my voice when I use it wholeheartedly for His honour, whether it is at Charismatic or at choir. I love learning the new songs introduced during this segment and I'm thankful to the worship team for choosing such empowering songs.
In Christ Alone was sang a second time, besides the time of the previous session. It is no mere coincidence that this was so, as I really needed it. My mind was totally saturated with problems. This new song Still was not another mere coincidence. I had borrowed Hillsong Ultimate Worship earlier on and this very song was in the CD. This song broke me and I teared like a child. My body was racked with sobs and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. It was a relief though because I know God was using this song to heal me. I let out my frustrations and fears as a result. With All I Am was another new song introduced and I'm so in love with it.
In fact, the songs I've been exposed to ever since I returned to Charismatic at Ctk have made a great impact on me, so much so that I bought 3 CDs of Hillsongs, since hillsongs are used during the sessions. I also found a Youtube video on With All I Am, which includes the lyrics.
The talk was enlightening and I finally know where homosexuality is condemned in the Bible. We went into deeper worship and again, the leader was inspired by God to invite those with specific needs to be prayed over. I went up to pray proxy for my usual intentions but I was more specific this time. I went up with a heart of hope in God and when I was 'slain', I decided to let God open my eyes rather than do so on my own. When I did 'wake up', I realised I wasn't weak and I could easily get up. Now I know what I have to do.
Testimonies were given and we ended off with a song to give praise to God. I've been empowered by God's Spirit and thus am so enthusiastic about Charismatic sessions. I look forward to future sessions where I can encounter Him in deep worship, healing and power. :)
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