Seeking my Master's help instead of using my own effort

This title has been in my mind for a long time. From using it as a counselling tool to self-admonishment, it has been rampant. I told someone preparing for confirmation that she has to be careful not to do it by her own efforts. She has to remember that she has to open herself to His molding too. After all, everything is by Him. I told one of my students that sometimes in the process of studying for tests, we tend to do it by our own efforts and act as if He isn't God of our lives. Hence we get stressed up. When we offer up our tests and fears of them to Him, we feel better. Psychological comfort, as critics will say but to me, that's divine strength and assurance.

The most prominent way that this has proved its truth is when I was depending on human efforts for the second time. Both times, it was on the same issue of upcoming performances. I was desperate to learn my piece and approached friends for help. What I failed to do was to ask the best Helper. When I couldn't get anyone, boy was I mad. I was pissed that when it came to my turn to ask them for help, I couldn't get any. That was disregarding the fact that they had their reasons. I was overwhelmed by emotions. I was prepared to just perform badly as a result.

Then something in me told me to go for mass. God really spoke to me there and in such a gentle manner that it shamed me. The priest said when things get tough, we should get joy from His strength. In the first reading, it said that if we want Him to be King of our lives, we have to seek shelter in Him. The homily was the climax, when the priest said that God is shockingly generous.

Immediately after mass, someone I didn't really expect to offer help agreed to. I was so overwhelmed that I bought a gift for her. It may have been a small gesture to her but it meant a lot to me because I was desperate for help. She was God's instrument to me. Indeed, He's shockingly generous. The shame I felt at myself was that I sought God as a last resort, when all other avenues had failed. He gently admonished me by giving me the human help I sought only after I had sought Him. So, 'seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be given unto thee '.

This third time round, I am depending on His help and so far, things are falling into place. When I turn to Him, He provides for me and angels are with me. I must not stop putting Him in the centre even though I have achieved my aim. There is still the actual performance to come. I must thank Him for his angels and seek to glorify His name.